"What I want is what I've not got and what I need is all around me" -Dave Matthews Band

Think about it......

Well well well...

It seems that the only times that I update my blog are the times that I have something exciting to report.  Well whatever the reason, this blog was meant for me to journal so here it goes.  I just had my last day of substitute teaching for the year.  I know that might not seem like such a big deal but with the economic crisis, this year has been a huge year of growth for me.  I have learned so much throughout this year, been through A LOT of stress and self-doubt, and have tried to enjoy as much of it as I can.  I can honestly say that whenever I start teaching in my own room, this year of subbing has prepared me so much more than I could have ever imagined.  I am so very thankful for that.

Because of the lack of jobs in the Portland area, I have decided to take a huge leap of faith and apply for jobs elsewhere.  I know that leaving Portland and my family behind will be a big transition for me but putting my future in God's hands just seems right at this point in my life.  We will see if I stay in the area or if I end up moving.  I'll keep you updated.  Don't you worry dot dot dot

On a lighter and more exciting note, one of my very best friends is getting married next week and I couldn't be more thrilled for her.  I just can't believe that her wedding is so close.  She really deserves that happily ever after and I know that my dear friend Natalie will find that day after day with her soon-to-be husband, Mike.  I am so happy and blessed to be one of her bridesmaids and share in this important time in her life.  Along with that, I am so excited for summer.  I just love every bit of it...running outside, waking up to the sound of birds, eating dinner outside, and just relaxing.  It should be a good summer...I just have a good feeling about it.

one year later

It is so crazy to think that a year has already gone by since Grandma Jean passed.  I think about all of the emotions that I have gone through during the course of this year.  When she first passed, I knew she was in a better place and I felt a bit of a sense of relief that her pain was gone.  As the year progressed, certain things reminded me of her and I was constantly reminded of how my day-to-day life changed dramatically because she was gone.  I used to take runs to my grandparents house because it was one of my excuses to see them.  I also found reasons to just stop by for no reason.  The hardest part of this year was not having her there to open presents with on Christmas day.  I have so many childhood memories with Grandma Jean on Christmas every year that I think celebrating Christmas without her this year was the most difficult "first" without grandma.

Instead of thinking about her last year on this earth and how difficult it was for all of us, I am choosing to think about the incredible woman that she was during the course of her life.  She was ahead of her time in the sense that she went to college and created a great life for herself.  She always showed me by example what it meant to show love to the people that you care about.  She never said, "I love you" but she had an amazing way to show it which is just as important.  She had an amazing sense of humor and I will miss that everyday.  I hope that she is up there celebrating a great year in heaven with my grandpa over a stiff scotch and some popcorn.  Afterall, that was one of their favorite things to do together.  Love you grandma...I am one lucky grandchild to have a grandparent that was as actively involved in my life as a parent.  As grandma would always say, I love you doll....byebye.

Teaching

As I'm writing application after application, I came across this little ditty I wrote in graduate school.  It brought me back to why I am starting this crazy teaching career and I thought I'd share:

Why Anne Marie wants to be a teacher....

When I think about the reasons as to why I want to be a teacher, the influences that I have had in my life are what come to mind.Growing up, I was surrounded by educators. My mother is a teacher and two of my aunts are also teachers. I noticed growing up that my mother would never say, “I’m going to work.” She would always say, “I’m going to school.” When I was about six, I asked my mom why she goes to school and not work, like most of the parents that I knew. She explained to me that she loves her job so much that she doesn’t consider it work. She looks at school as an adventure and opportunity to better the lives of children. Throughout the course of my life thus far, I have always aspired to have a career that I don’t consider “work.”

My passion for teaching goes beyond the influences of my mother.When I was in 6^th grade, I had the most excellent teacher a child could ask for. He is one of those teachers who make every student feel that they are special. He teaches in a way that enables all types of learners to be able to understand the material. Not only was I lucky to have him as a teacher because he helped me so much, he is the reason why I want to become a teacher. I know it sounds cliché and everyone has that special mentor but he has a lot to do with me choosing this career path. As I went through high school and college, I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to go into teaching because I was scared that I was going into this profession just to follow my mother, Then, I had another teacher that again, confirmed for me that I want to be a teacher. I stepped into my chemistry class with a lot of anxiety because science is one of my weaker points. As I progressed throughout the term, the professor that I had made me absolutely love chemistry. I looked forward to going to lecture and ironically enough loved taking the midterms and final because it was such a fun subject for me. This is another example of a teacher who had the ability to make students want to learn the subject; even if it is something that they aren’t necessarily good at. I aspire to be that type of teacher.

As I started my practicum classes that let me actually work with children, I knew that teaching was the right choice for me, my calling. I looked forward to spending everyday with the children that I worked with and loved making a difference in the lives of kids. During my spring term of my senior year, I worked in a pre-school class at a school called Bates where the OSU students run every class. It was a time that I felt like a teacher and my direct impact on children was a feeling I couldn’t explain. I remember talking to my lead teacher about it one day and I told her that no matter how rough of a day I was having, the smiles on the children’s faces everyday made it worthwhile. I can’t wait to be a teacher and I know I will never consider it work.

when a girl needs a friend....

I know that a lot of my posts appear after difficult times but it is through these times that I am able to sit back think about all of the things that I do have and have a reason to be thankful for. I have the best friends in the world. I said it. All four of you (I am imagining that is the approximate number of readers that frequent my blog) think that you have better friends than me. I'm sorry to say, you don't. Mine are the best. I can't tell you how often my friends have stopped by or called just to check on me this week. I love them and I am so thankful for these beautiful people. Thank you for being you and helping me through this time. I love you to the moon and back.